What is the best sort of gag to buy for BDSM?
A question we're often asked at Fetish Markets etc is "Which is the best type of gag to buy?", by people who want to broaden their BDSM play after starting with a bit of light bondage or spanking, for example.
So here's a short guide from Affordable Leather Products from our over 20 years experience of selling Leather Bondage Gear and BDSM equipment. (NB you can click on the titles to be taken to the web pages for each product)
What types of gag are available?
The purpose of this style is to make it hard for the user to speak by filling the mouth.
Unlike many of the ball gags you may see on sale, this one is made from a soft rubber shell with a foam inner. It is designed to expand and fill the wearer's mouth, but it doesn't get uncomfortable because it still allows them close their jaw, also they can still swallow, preventing a build of of saliva in the mouth.
The strap that goes through is ball to the D Rings on each side of the mouth and then the main leather strap fastens with a buckle at the back of the head.
A variant on this is the Head Harness Ball Gag which looks very dramatic with two straps that extend from the sides of the mouth to meet in the middle of the forehead from where a strap goes over the top of the head and buckles at the back. There is also a buckle strap under the chin and the effect of these straps is to stop the wearer pushing the ball out of their mouth as the straps will just pull it back in.
Both the plain and Head Harness styles of this product are available with red or black balls, depending on your preference.
The soft rubber ball is not for everyone because some users need to be able to breathe through their mouths, so the Breather Ball Gag (AKA a Wiffle Ball Gag) uses a Practice Golf Ball which is hollow with holes allowing air to flow freely through it. It does, of course, also cause the user to dribble in a humiliating way all over themselves...
As with the gag above, this one is also available in the Head Harness Breather Ball Gag style.
Some users want to bite down on their gag, so this one is made from a strong but hollow rubber 4" (10cm) long tube which can take more of the chewing that would damage other types.
For those who enjoy Human Pony Play, this style is ideal, especially the Bridle Bit Gag (available with a set of Reins at a discount).
If your wearer wants something that they can bite on, but who also likes the idea a Ball Gag, this gag combines the soft, mouth-filing rubber ball from our Ball Gag with the rubber bit. As with the others, it fastens at the back with a buckling leather strap.
It is available with either the black or the red ball, depending on which you like best.
For those who want to engage in "forced" oral sex (consensually, of course) or perhaps they want to be a human ashtray or have someone make them drink golden wine, this has PVC coated bars on a leather strap which keeps the mouth open no matter what the wearer might like!
There are a pair of narrow, PVC covered horizontal metal bars on the dental gags that hinge at the side and go across the mouth with a ratchet to stop them closing. There is a single ratchet on the Jennings Dental Gag whilst there are two on Whitehead Dental Gag. Both are kept in place with buckling leather straps at the back of the head to stop the wearer from spitting it out.
Sometimes known as a Pecker or Dick gag, as it suggests, a penis-shaped fitting (made from latex rubber) goes into the mouth, forcing the wearer to suck on a cock in a humiliating way.
A similar design to the previous one, but with the addition of a Rubber Dildo that extends out from the mouth which a Dominant woman can sit on to take her pleasure whilst her slave can do nothing but watch.
Of course, if she prefers, the Dominatrix can simply lie back and let her submissive penetrate her with the mouth dildo and he ends up with a stiff neck (erm, allegedly...!)
Which BDSM gag should I buy?
Now we've given you a run-down on some of the types of gag that are available, the question you need to answer is "What do I want this gag to do?"
Do you want to silence the wearer or inhibit the wearer's speech? If so, you probably will find that your best choice is one that goes into the mouth such as the basic Ball Gag, Ball-Bit Gag or Penis Gag.
If, on the other hand, you prefer to give your slave something to bite on, either the Bit-style Gag the Combined Ball-Bit Gag should be the ones you are loooking at.
To engage in Human Ashtray or "forced" oral sex or Golden Wine play, you'll need to keep your subject's mouth open, so the PVC coated Whitehead and Jennings Gags are what you want.
Of course whatever gag you choose to buy, please always remember to keep a careful eye on the wearer and ensure that the gag does not interefere with their breathing. BDSM play should always be Safe, Sane and Consensual.
What about you?
Have you bought a gag? What advice would you give to someone who's just about to buy their first BDSM gag? Do you have any helpful tips or hints which you can share? Do post them in the comments section below.
Or are you thinking of buying a gag? What sort of questions would you want to ask someone? Post them below and we'll do our best to answer them for you!
One of our popular ranges at Affordable Leather Products are our Discount Leather Bondage Sets.
What we've done is to combine separate products such as our Wrist Cuffs with Soft Edging, 2" wide Leather Collars, X Hogtie Binders and Ankle Cuffs into kits which are often substantially cheaper when bought together than they would be if you bought them individually.
For example our X Hogtie Binder set combines pairs of Leather Wrist Cuffs and Ankle Cuffs along with a 3" Heavy Duty Ring which has four 1" Trigger Hooks attached to it with leather straps. This allows the wrists to be cuffed together using the trigger hooks on the ring, then the ankles can be drawn up to put the wearer in a Hogtied position. These items would normally cost £64 when bought separately, but as a set they can be bought for just £39 which is a 40% saving.
A variant on this is the Y Hogtie Binder. Again it has a pair of our comfortable Soft-edge Wrist Cuffs, but the 3" Heavy Duty Ring on this BDSM set has two trigger hooks to link the wrists and a buckle-adjustable strap which joins the leather Ankle Cuffs, allowing them to be drawn up towards the wrists as much as is comfortable (or as much as you want!)
Note that whilst this is not an excessively risky practice, there are safety considerations when using the hogtie position and we recommend that you read our article on Hogtie Bondage safety to make yourself aware of the precautions we advise you take before engaging in this sort of play.
Another popular item is the Spread-eagle Bondage Set. This BDSM kit comes with four 36" long, buckle adjustable leather utility straps, each of which a 1" trigger hook at each end and also two D Rings to allow them to be secured around a bed post. Once they are in position, you can lie your sub or slave on the bed and attach the supplied cuffs to the trigger hooks and shorten the straps to spread-eagle them in a wonderfully vulnerable position for some kinky bondage sex...
The Leather Spread-eagle Bed Bondage set would normally cost £110 if bought as individual items, but we will give you a massive 50% discount if you buy the kit all together for just £55!
Of course the advantage of our sets is that they are wonderfully versatile, so you're not forced to use these items only in one configuration, unlike some you may see which have the cuffs permanently fixed to the straps, meaning they're no use for anything else. You can, for instance, combine the adjustable leather utility straps with a set of our Door Jam Restriction Bars and a pair of wrist cuffs to let you turn a door into a restriction point. If you buy two sets of the bars, you can put them at the top and the bottom of the door giving you the effect of a Saint Andrews Cross without the expense of buying one (or the difficulty of concealing it when your Auntie comes to visit...)
The final item from our range of discount leather bondage sets we'll mention is our 2" Leather Collar to Wrist Cuffs binder set.
If you want to keep someone's hands out of the way, especially if they keep trying to block your toy when you're flogging or caning their bottom, this bondage kit has a 1" wide buckle-adjustable strap which leads from one of our 2" wide soft-edged collars down to a trigger hook which links together a pair of our comfortable wrist cuffs.
Once it's secured to the cuffs, you can use the strap to lift the hands out of the way and draw them up to the wearer's neck as far as you like or, indeed, as far as they can flex. We've seen some wearers who are flexible enough to have their hands pulled almost all the way to their neck in the Reverse Prayer bondage position which is very impressive!
Of course always remember that if you already have one of our 2" Leather Collars or a set of the comfortable Wrist Cuffs or Ankle Cuffs with soft-edging, you can buy the remaining parts of any of these BDSM kits individually to make up the complete item.
You can see our full range of cheap leather bondage sets on our website here and enjoy having some lovely kinky bedroom bondage fun!
Do you have any questions or comments about our Leather Bondage Sets?
Are you thinking of buying one of these sets, but don't know which one?
Have you bought one and want to tell everyone else about your experiences?
Do post your thoughts in the comments section below...
This is the final part of Affordable Leather Products' guide to visiting a Female Domme. Obviously we have only covered the bare outlines of what happens before, during and after a Domination Scene, however we hope that this guide has been of use to you.
After care at the end of a BDSM Session
When a session has concluded, it's generally considered to be bad form for the Lady to simply finish and dump someone out onto the streets or walk out of their hotel room. The Mistress should allow you time to "come down" from the highs you have, hopefully, experienced and leave "sub space" (that wonderfully floaty sensation you get after a successful and satisfying play session).
You should, of course, thank the Domme for her time and efforts, and asking permission to give respectful kiss on her boots rarely goes amiss.
You should also offer to help tidy up if necessary, although some Ladies may prefer to do this themselves. Naturally you should change back to your regular clothing (asking for permission to take a shower first if needed) and pack up any toys, outfits or equipment you brought with you.
Feedback after a Domination Session.
After you've recovered somewhat, the Dominant may ask you if you have any observations on the scene, if you do, phrase them politely and constructively. Saying "That was rubbish" is not going to get you seeing her again, however "I enjoyed X and would prefer more of Y but not quite so much of Z" would be acceptable. Whatever you say, don't sound ungrateful, she has put time and effort into what she's done, so express your thanks.
You might also now say "Might I suggest that you could do (whatever) in this way", since you're no longer in the scene, this shouldn't be considered Topping from the Bottom, but again, be respectful of her experience and skills.
Some Ladies may prefer you to e-mail them instead, again, be polite and don't go into excessive details. It's enough to say that something did or didn't work for you and how you might like it done differently.
Visiting a Mistress for a second time
Presuming that you have enjoyed yourself, you will no doubt wish to visit the Dominatrix again, but remember that, whilst you may have every detail of your session laser-etched into your memory, you will not be her only client, so just phoning up and saying "I want you to do what you did last time again" is not necessarily going to be very helpful.
As such, without going into masses of details, explain that she did the following activities which you enjoyed and perhaps she could also do a couple of other activities you request.
Between sessions, DO NOT bug the Mistress or make contact on any spurious pretext. Unless she is advertising for a Personal or live-in slave, don't ask if she needs one. Similarly she will ask if she needs a driver, photographer, web designer, boot polisher or anything else.
Remember still to treat her with the respect that she is due, she will not brook undue familiarity, she is still the Mistress and is in control, don't consider yourself to be a friend or confidant, nor should you presume to ask her to do activities which she has previously said she won't do.
What next
We hope you have found these guides of interest and assistance, as mentioned, they only scratch the surface of what is a very in-depth subject, but we have endeavoured to help out.
Have we helped you out, whether you're a Professional Lady or a client? We'd welcome your comments below...
PS We also hope you will follow our New Affordable Leather Products blog and consider Affordable Leather Products for your Leather Bondage and BDSM Gear purchases in future.
Thank you for reading and enjoy your sessions!
This is the fourth part of the series on visiting a Professional Dominatrix from Affordable Leather Products. We can only give a general over-view since every Domination Scene is different and will depend on what services a Mistress offers and what you want to have done to you, but here are a few observations:
Once you have discussed with your Mistress what you are interested in and what you are expecting to happen during play and any roles which will be adopted (if that's your style of play), it's time for the scene to start.
Remember that you are voluntarily giving up your power and control and must respect the commands and wishes of the Dominant Woman. She is not simply there to pleasure you and do what you want, she is not your plaything, you are hers. Of course you do have the option of using your Safe Word if things get too extreme for you, however this is not something to do lightly and should be reserved for situations are well outside your comfort zone.
Safe-wording simply because you want a change of activity is not good behaviour from a submissive.
A Dominant should naturally ensure that you do end up enjoying a session, after all, that is the best way to make certain that you will come back again, but a submissive should also behave in a way that makes the Domme feel that they would be happy to have that sub visit them again.
What not to do in a scene with a Professional Dominatrix
Probably the most important thing to avoid is the desire to "Top from the Bottom". In general, BDSM practitioners define a "Top" as someone who does whilst a "Bottom" is someone who is done unto. The Top is in control (whilst still respecting the Bottom's limits and Safe Words).
Some examples of Topping from the Bottom
* Talking back to the Dominatrix or contradicting her unless she has agreed to let you be a "Bratty" sub.
* Deliberately ignoring or "creatively" interpreting an order. This sort of passive-aggressive behaviour is annoying and disrespectful.
* Trying to change her mind without a good reason. Using a Safe Word is fine, saying "I don't want you to do this, I want you to do that instead..." is not.
* Attempting to change the terms of your negotiation whilst in a scene. If your Mistress didn't or agree to X at the start, she's not likely to suddenly say "oh, ok, I'll do it now..."
A good Dominant should, of course, be aware of the reactions of a submissive, for example if they are repeatedly "pulling away" from a toy and are clearly not enjoying it, unless that sort of behaviour was an agreed part of the scene, the Domme would be advised to stop doing it. However if the sub is simply doing it because they want the Mistress to do something else (probably something more pleasurable to them) then that's Topping from the Bottom.
Warming up in a BDSM session
Most people need time to get into a BDSM scene, so the Domme will generally warm up with some gentle activities, especially if the ultimate aim is hard flogging or caning. Using soft toys like suede floggers or horse-hair floggers will allow the sub to get into the mind-set known as "sub space" as well as encouraging the body to produce endorphins which will improve their pain threshold.
If Domination is the theme, she may start by testing your reactions to orders she gives, perhaps making you get on your knees and worship her boots or put you on a leash and have you follow her like a dog.
If you are into cross-dressing, of course, she will want to dress you (or "force" you to dress) and perhaps tell you how pretty you look or make humiliating comments about you being a sissy boy.
Whatever the scene, for most people (except the most experienced) it should build up slowly rather than just jumping in at the deep end with both feet, especially when physical sensations such as flagellation or CBT are involved.
As the BDSM scene progresses
Once you've warmed up, the Mistress may use more severe toys such as crops, pinwheels or paddles to punish you, again, however, she should still watch your reactions and not push limits hard unless you've negotiated that beforehand.
Domination scenes might involve you being made to clean her toilet or engage in water sports if that's your interest. She may make you fetch a ball like a dog or ride you like a pony.
Cross dressers may be taught to walk like a lady or act as her maid or mocked for their lack of masculinity.
There are too many aspects of BDSM to list more than a few here, but a good scene will always develop from what was discussed at the start.
The end of the Domination session
As the scene gets to its conclusion, the Mistress might use the strongest method of punishment you have agreed or, if she permits such things, reward you by letting you masturbate in front of her or onto her boots, making you lick it up afterwards or have you come into a glass from which you will drink a toast to your Mistress.
Whatever the end of the scene, it should finish with both participants having enjoyed themselves in a consensual manner.
What happens after a Pro Domme Session?
The final article on seeing a Professional Mistress from Affordable Leather Products will deal with what happens after the end of a visit to a Dominatrix.
Have you been a client of a Dominant Mistress?
Would you say that we've covered this subject well? Is there anything you think we've missed?
Perhaps you're a Mistress and would like to add something to what we've said?
We would love to hear your comments...
If you've read the previous guides from Affordable Leather Products on How to Contact a Professional Dominatrix and What Should I do When I Visit a Pro Domme, then you'll be wondering what happens next...
When you have arrived at your Mistress' premises (or she has arrived at your hotel room), she should already have some idea of what your interests are from your previous phone call or e-mails, however this is the point at which the details should be sorted out.
A good Mistress should first ask if you have any medical problems or issues which may affect the session. You should mention things such as:
* Heart Problems
* Diabetes
* Risk of seizures
* Wearing contact lenses
* Medical implants
* Asthma or other breathing problems which mean that gags or hoods are inadvisable
* Joint problems (for instance if the Mistress offers Wrestling)
This is by no means a comprehensive list, if you think something could cause a problem during a scene, let the Mistress know beforehand so she can prepare if necessary, rather than, for instance, having to dig through your bag for an inhaler if you have an asthma attack during the session.
Discussing activities to happen during the session
You should already have expressed some of your desires during your phone call or e-mail exchange, so at this point the Dominant Lady should ask for more details. For example:
* Are you a masochist? Do you want her to flog, cane or spank you? If so, how hard?
* Are there particular sensations you don't like? Hot, cold, sting, thud? Say now, rather than later.
* Do you want to use a Safe Word? If so, what is it? NB we recommend the Traffic Light system of "Green" meaning "Go ahead" or as a check-in that you're ok, "Amber" meaning "Getting close to a limit" and "Red" meaning "Please Stop this activity". This allows you to "Beg for mercy" etc whilst she knows that you're actually OK.
* Are there any particular names that you want to be called or expressions to avoid? Humiliation play can be an intensely personal thing and accidentally tripping over a wrong expression can ruin a scene.
* Do you want her to leave marks? Some people love a reminder of a domination session, others might find explaining cane marks on their bum to their partner or friends at the gym a little difficult...
* Are there any activities you definitely don't want to engage in?
NB If you have your own outfits for cross-dressing or leather/ latex wear etc mention those at this point and say whether you want to dress yourself or your interest is in being "forced" into them or being made to beg to wear them.
What not to do during discussions
* Don't demand a script. Asking for her to say a few lines is ok, but don't expect her to agree to read out a whole long screed of your fantasies, because isn't going to happen.
* Don't give a laundry list of activities. You're not going to be able to do a dozen things in a one-hour session, so don't waste time listing them all. Pick a few favourites and stick with them.
* Don't say "You can do anything to me" because this almost inevitably turns into "but not that, or that, or..." and just annoys the Domme.
* Don't ask for activities which she has said she won't do. If her website says "No sexual services", she means it!
* Don't waffle on. Keep your answers short and relevant.
Note again that these suggestions are not a comprehensive list, however they will give you an idea of what to expect when you visit a Dominant Lady.
Remember that an experienced Dominatrix should be able to put you at your ease whilst maintaining control, so give her the respect that she is due.
Finally: Before the session starts SWITCH OFF YOUR PHONE! Unless you are waiting for a life-or-death call, it can wait and having your phone ring half-way through a scene can really spoil the mood...!
Once all this has happened, you're ready to play.
What happens in a Pro Domme session?
Affordable Leather Products will cover that in their next guide: What happens during a Session with a Professional Mistress?
Are you a Dominant Lady?
Do you think that we've adequately described what happens at the start of a session? Perhaps you feel we've missed out important information that your clients should know.
Maybe you're a customer who has useful tips for someone visiting a Lady for the first time.
We'd welcome your comments...
Sometimes, as well as selling leather bondage gear in the UK, we at Affordable Leather Products get asked other questions such as What should I do when I go to visit a Pro Domme? Following on from our previous article about How to Contact a Professional Dominatrix, here are some recommendations:
Presuming that you've not annoyed her on the phone or been disrespectful in your e-mail and you have successfully arranged a session, here are a few things to remember when you go to visit a professional Dominatrix:
* Before you go: HAVE A SHOWER! No Professional Mistress wants to have a sweaty, smelly slave turn up on her doorstep unless you want her to use a scrubbing brush on you whilst you stand under a cold shower! And brush your teeth or use mouthwash too.
* Don't be early! If you arrive half an hour before the time you've arranged she may still be finishing with another client or getting dressed or even putting her shopping away. Find a café or wait in your car, but don't sit right outside her place, park around the corner.
* Don't be late! Make sure you allow plenty of time to get to her premises. If you break down or there's unforeseen delays such as a road accident, as soon as you know you may be late, contact the Lady immediately. Failure to do this could result in you not getting a session at all.
* Do not go into full-on submissive mode outside her door. If she has an entry phone, just say "Hello, my name is XYZ, I'm here to see you." Do not address her as Mistress, Goddess or anything else, her neighbours might not know and it's none of their business.
* When she answers the door, just politely say "Good afternoon" (or morning, as appropriate!), don't kneel, grovel or do anything to potentially compromise her privacy.
* Do what you're told. If she says "Come in and stand here", do that. Nothing else. Don't go wandering around or poke your nose into anywhere you like.
* Have your Tribute ready in a pocket or envelope, but don’t clutch it in your hand or immediately thrust it at her. Also try to get clean notes, handing over a crumpled fistful of grubby fivers will not endear you to her.
* Consider taking a gift. It doesn't have to be anything spectacular for a first visit, a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers are possible options. Even better, visit her website and check to see if she has a wish-list, if so, picking something off that would be very sensible.
* Wait to be told what to do. Once you enter her premises, she is in control, so respect this.
* If a professional Lady comes to visit you in your hotel room, take her bag if she has one, then offer to take her coat and hang it up neatly on a hanger. Escort her to a chair and hold it for her, then stand and wait until she gives you further instructions.
What happens at the start of a Professional Domination session?
See the next guide from Affordable Leather Products where we will give you some idea of what will happen before your Pro Domme session actually starts.
Are you a Professional Lady?
Have we got everything right here? Is there more that you think potential clients should know before visiting you?
Or maybe you're a customer and feel we've missed out important information.
Please do post your thoughts and comments below.
When you run a business making and selling leather bondage and BDSM gear (as we do at Affordable Leather Products) you sometimes get asked questions about related areas and one is: How do I get a session with a Pro Domme?
We thought that it would be a good idea to write a short guide about how to get in touch with a Professional Mistress.
In the old days (when we were young!) the only way to find a Dominant Woman was to look for adverts in newsagents windows such as "Strict Governess", "Cane Chair for Sale", "Lady Whiplash" and so on or, if you could find one, look in the back of the old contact magazines.
These days, of course, with the advent of the internet and the World Wide Web and sites such as http://www.professionalmistresses.co.uk or http://www.uk-mistresses.co.uk/ it's much easier to find Ladies, however that does introduce more complications, so let's look at a few of them.
How do I choose which Dominant Lady I'd like to visit?
Before you start, it's a good idea to have some idea of what you are looking for. Think about what your interests are, do you want to be spanked, flogged or caned? Perhaps you'd prefer some bondage or Tie and Tease? Maybe you're into cross-dressing and sissification or would you like to experience watersports or spitting or other humiliations?
Write down your three or four favourites (if you want more ideas, try looking through a BDSM Negotiation Document for suggestions) and then, as you browse through the websites and pick out a few professional women who catch your eye, look through their list of services offered and see if they are interested in what you like. If she doesn't list a service, she's probably not interested in it. If it says "I will not do XYZ", DO NOT ask her for it, she's already told you she won't.
How do I contact the Pro Domme of my choice?
First of all, before anything else, remember this one word: RESPECT! Sending an e-mail starting "Hi" or "You're hot" or "Hey sweetie" is going to get it dumped into the trash folder after they read the first line. Doing the same thing on the phone will get you listening to the click as they hang up after two seconds.
If you are going to phone a Dominatrix:
* Make sure you note if she has any restrictions on phone times and don't call outside them.
* Don't withhold your number. Doing this will instantly get you labelled as a probable time-waster.
* If you're in a hotel, tell her which one and which room, she may well check.
* Be polite, as mentioned above.
* Don't wank. A Domme will be able to hear it in your voice.
* DO NOT try to haggle the price down. That is completely disrespectful and will get you blocked ASAP.
Whether you speak to her or e-mail, explain where you saw her advert and ask if she is free on X date at Y time. Note that some Ladies require a notice period, pay attention to that. If she needs 24 hours notice, don't ask if she's free now.
If she is free, tell her what you are interested in, but do not give her a laundry list! If you're going for an hour's session, you'll get to do maybe three or four different things in that time, not twenty.
Don't ask her "what will you do to me?" Again, most Dominant Ladies will figure this as someone just wasting their time wanting something to masturbate to.
If you have a request for a particular style of clothing or outfit that you've seen her wearing on her website, it's a good idea to ask for this in advance so she doesn't have to waste time getting changed after you've arrived.
Once you have agreed a time and date, thank her for her agreeing to see you and hang up. Don't try to keep her chatting, that's not what she's there for.
What if she doesn't want to see me?
Take NO for an answer! If she's turned you down once, repeatedly pestering her is unlikely to change her mind.
Also it is a good idea to keep a list of Dommes you have contacted previously. Calling one up or e-mailing her a week after you last got in touch and asking the same questions again is going to get you labelled a time-waster PDQ.
What do I do when I go to see a Professional Dominatrix?
See Affordable Leather Products' Guide to visiting a Mistress here.
Have you visited a Professional Dominatrix?
Was your experience in contacting a Professional Lady similar to what we describe here? Was it different? If so, do tell us how.
And do you have any helpful hints or tips for others who are thinking of visiting a Dominatrix?
Perhaps you are a Dominant Lady and have some more thoughts on what potential clients should (or shouldn't!) do when visiting a Lady.
Do please post your comments below...
What do SSC and RACK mean?
An introduction by Affordable Leather Products
When you are starting out in the world of BDSM, there are some terms you may come across which are confusing to the newcomer, so here's a quick guide to a couple of them which we hope will help. Please note that this is not a comprehensive discussion of the subject, but it's a good starting place. There are other online resources which you can look up for more details.
What does SSC mean?
SSC stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual, three of the most important factors to bear in mind when you are starting to engage in BDSM play. Here's a short explanation of each:
Safe: This term is not simply a matter of "safer sex" (using protection to avoid STIs) but an overall recommendation to ensure that nothing goes wrong in your play.
Before engaging in a BDSM session, have a think about what you are going to do. If you are going to engage in Bondage using leather wrist and ankle cuffs, do you have a way of getting your subject out in a hurry if there's a problem? Consider, for example, if they're spread-eagled on a bed and suddenly get cramp (which is definitely not fun!) can you release their bindings in a matter of seconds? If you're using padlocks, do they all open with the same key? If they don't, it can take extra seconds to find which key opens which lock.
Another example is if you have someone secured in a standing position, eg using Door Restriction Bars. If they pass out, could you get them down to the ground safely when their weight is pulling on their cuffs making them difficult to undo?
Similarly, when engaged in Shibari (Japanese rope bondage), it may take several minutes to remove a complicated harness, time which you don't want to take.
In the above examples, having a pair of EMT Shears on hand to cut through cuffs or ropes may be the best option, it's far better to cut through an expensive piece of equipment than have to explain what happened when the ambulance arrives...!
If you engage in impact play, such as flogging, whipping etc and it gets very intense, what will you do if you draw blood? Not only may you need plasters to cover a cut, but you'll need to think about how you are going to clean the toy you were playing with.
A little consideration of these factors before a scene starts can save a whole lot of problems having to deal with an unforeseen complication when you're actually playing.
Sane: Some people enjoy their kinky play when they have had a couple of drinks or after engaging in recreational drug use. There is nothing wrong with this per se, however you should bear in mind that excessive consumption can have a detrimental effect on your judgement such that you could end up doing something which seems like a good idea at the time, but then turns out to be dangerous, at which point you are left trying to rectify the situation with adrenaline competing with your stimulants which is not an idea situation.
It's best to keep your consumption down to a level at which your judgement is not impaired or, if playing with multiple participants, have a designated safety person who will remain sober and whose job it is to keep an eye on everyone else just to ensure that nothing goes wrong or anyone gets over-enthusiastic.
Consensual: The most important aspect of BDSM play, since any activities which are undertaken without consent could be considered to be abuse and not conducive to a trusting and mutually satisfactory session.
As such, we recommend that BDSM sessions, especially with people you've never played before should be done with pre-arranged Safe Words and with Negotiation Documents or, at least, prior discussion of what will or will not be done during a scene to ensure that everyone enjoys what is going on.
What does RACK mean in BDSM play?
RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. This was a term which came into use because some people felt that SSC was too prescriptive since some people are happy to play in a manner which involves a certain about of risk, provided it is done within acceptable limits.
It acknowledges that nothing can ever be 100% safe, but as long as the participants are aware of the risks that are involved and have agreed beforehand that they are acceptable, then the play can continue.
As with SSC, of course, the Consent term is the most important in that if any participant feels that the dangers are getting beyond the limits which they are happy with, then the BDSM session can be halted or the type of play changed to ensure that all involved feel safe.
It has been argued that Safe, Sane and Consensual could be considered to be the "minimum standard" of acceptability for ethically defensible play, suitable for those who are new to the scene, whereas RACK is a more "advanced" term for experienced practitioners, although where the line is between the two is a matter of personal feelings for all those involved.
Whatever you do, provided informed consent is sought and obtained from all involved, your play can avoid being considered to be abusive.
Once you have considered the above, feel free to enjoy your BDSM with leather bondage and discipline equipment or any other toys you might enjoy, confident that your scenes will be safe and fun.
Do you think we've covered everything here?
We hope we've provided you with some helpful information about SSC and RACK, but have we missed anything out?
Do you think that there's something we didn't cover at all (or in sufficient depth)? Or did we get it all right?
We would welcome your comments and observations below.
An introductory guide from Affordable Leather Products
Although, in this post 50 Shades of Drivel Grey world, BDSM is becoming more mainstream, it is regrettable that books and films like FSoG (as well as other bad movies and TV programmes) have resulted in more misunderstandings about what BDSM actually involves, so here's a short introduction which, I hope, will explain it a bit more clear up some of those misunderstandings.
What does BDSM mean?
The term first appeared in a Usenet posting back in 1991 (long before the advent of the internet) and is an acronym which stands for Bondage and Discipline/ Dominance and Submission/ Sadism and Masochism (although some people prefer Slave and Master/ Mistress for reasons which I'll explain later). The letters overlap not just because it's neat (and shorter and easier to pronounce than BDDSSM!) but because there are overlaps between the aspects of the term.
It expanded on the old expression "S&M" because not everyone was into Sadism (the infliction of pain or suffering on someone) and/ or Masochism (the enjoyment of pain or suffering) and people recognised that there was more to the world of Kink.
What is Bondage and Discipline?
Bondage is, as most people understand, the act of restraining someone physically. This can be done simply with ropes, chains, leather straps or cuffs, handcuffs etc, however there are also more "advanced" (for want of a better term) methods such as leather armbinders, strait jackets, sleep sacks and so on. Bondage and Discipline items such as these can be bought from suppliers such as Affordable Leather Products in the UK. You can also use cling film (saran wrap), duct tape or even just restrictive clothing such as corsets to gain the same effect.
Discipline is often thought of as just using physical punishment (spanking, for example) or suede floggers which have a thuddy sensation or leather whips which have a stingy effect to control (consensually) someone's behaviour, but it is actually much a broader topic since it starts off with rules being set and rewards or punishments being assigned for breaches of those rules.
The punishments need not involve the aforementioned physical punishment, an experienced practitioner may be able to control their subject with nothing more than a verbal reprimand or, if preferred, with a humiliating act. For some, just the knowledge that they have failed to obey the rules assigned to them may be sufficient.
What are Dominance and Submission?
Dominance
This is the act (whether physical, mental or emotional) of having power over another person. In a power exchange relationship, the submissive gives their Dominant control over them. This is generally done within agreed limits, eg in the bedroom or for the duration of a session, although some people enjoy what is known as "Total Power Exchange" or 24/7 where the dominance does not end after a session is concluded.
Submission
This is the flip-side of Dominance, since, for someone to be dominant, someone else must be submissive. Again, the submissive may give up their power to (ie allow themselves to be controlled by) a Dominant for an agreed period of time such as a play session or only whilst in the bedroom or, alternatively, on an on-going basis in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange relationship.
What is Sadism and Masochism?
Sadism
From the works of the Marquis de Sade, sadism involves the infliction of pain or suffering on another, however in BDSM this is, again, generally done within prescribed limits, sometimes with the use of a Safe Word which allows the person on the receiving end to stop or ameliorate the scene if it becomes too much for them.
Masochism
Another term derived from literature, this time from the works of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, which covers the recipient enjoying receiving pain or suffering (which can include mental anguish, rather than physical sensation) as part of a consensual scene.
Slave and Master/ Mistress
As mentioned above, some people dislike the reference to terms such as Sadism and Masochism because of the negative connotations that are associated with them (eg the media referring to a "sadistic crime"), so they prefer alternative terms with consensual "slavery" with pre-arranged limits, BDSM Negotiation Documents, and Safe Words being put in place to ensure that things do not get out of hand and nobody is made to do things that they definitely don't want to do.
What are the rules of BDSM?
If there is one rule that should always be remembered in BDSM it is that of consent. All acts should be fully consensual with both parties being able to stop a scene at any time. This is most important since, if it is not observed, it risks going into the realms of abuse. This can often be done with a BDSM Negotiation Document (see the link above) where the recipient can state what activities they are or are not interested in and to what extent they would like them done unto them.
What are SSC and RACK?
SSC stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual, RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. They are different ways of looking at BDSM, however the most important factor in both is that consent is at the heart of them.
These are covered in an article by Affordable Leather Products "What are SSC and RACK" which can be found here.
Have we missed anything out?
Although this is only a brief guide, do you think we've overlooked something important that should have been mentioned?
Is there something we didn't cover? Or did we get it all right...?!
Please do post your comments and observations below.
